bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The chlamydia really affected his face.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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