Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
