I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
