why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
