Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
