we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
