I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
