Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
