all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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