she woke up with a sticky ear
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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