So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
