Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
