I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
