If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
