I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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