If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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