I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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