Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
