We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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