Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
