this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
