i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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