They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
