Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Non-Jews are for practice
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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