Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
