The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
