i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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