I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
