he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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