I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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