i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i think my tv is drunk
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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