the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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