is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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