The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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