i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
