My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
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