so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
