We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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