Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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