Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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