I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
