Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...