tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I cannot find my penis.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize