who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
