it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I need to stop coming to work sober
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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