Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
