i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
