I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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