I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
