Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
