I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
