Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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