to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
