went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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