also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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