He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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