I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
