I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
