Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How does one acquire holy water?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
