he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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