Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
