Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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