I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
