Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My vagina just recognized that song.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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