I met the friendliest cop last night
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
