I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
