are you still at the devil's house?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
