I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
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So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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