umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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