I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
