that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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