I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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