We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
