We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
