Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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