i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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