my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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