I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
