it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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