We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already put on my inside pants.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize