Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm passing your future prison.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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