i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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